Embracing Solitude: Finding balance in an extroverted world

Embracing Solitude: Finding Balance in an Extroverted World

Are you allowing yourself to be totally yourself ?

Dear Fellow, Highly Sensitive Friends and Empaths,

Let's go back to my childhood for a moment. I grew up with a mum who was very extroverted. She always told me she loved dancing in her late teens and had tons of friends. She thrived at work with lots of colleagues and came from a big family of extroverts.

And then she had me! 🧁

Understanding Extroversion and Introversion

So let's go back to basics for a moment and explain the difference between extroverts and introverts. Simply put, extroverts recharge their batteries by being with other people, whereas introverts need to spend time on their own.

As an introvert at heart, I always loved to take long walks with my dog when I was a girl. We had a big black and grey dog who loved cuddles and walks in the field behind the house. We also had a boat, so I spent lots of time on the water, rowing towards tiny islands in the lake, spending more time alone with him on the island, pretending to go on adventures together.

Getting Lost

One winter in a Christmas cabin in the snowy woods of France, I got lost with my dog 'Rakker' for hours. I'm not proud of this, but I went for a walk and got lost. We crossed fields and empty woodlands, searching for our way back with my best friend by my side, who was completely useless in finding our way back home btw.

I remember discovering a big empty field full of daisies one day too. Millions of them. It took my breath away, and I just sat there for an hour.

Growing Up with an Extroverted Mum

Growing up with an extroverted mum as an introverted daughter was a challenge. I often felt misunderstood without knowing the reason. My lovely big sister who is 10 years older than me was already married by the time I was like 10 years old. So, at home it was just my father, me, and our mum.

My mum and I simply misunderstood each other. She always asked me why I wasn’t a bit more outgoing like the other girls, like her, a bit more "normal." She always told me that when she was my age, she went to dance parties, had lots of friends, and was always laughing, whereas I was locking myself up in my bedroom as a teenager, walking alone with the dog, or cycling to the beach on my own.

I felt deeply insecure, lonely, and misunderstood. I didn’t know I was an empath, a Highly Sensitive Person, or introverted at all. These labels were unknown to me. I simply felt like I should be someone else. I wondered what was WRONG with me.

Coping with Bullying

At school, I was bullied a lot, so I withdrew from the world more and more as I grew older, feeling alien next to my mum. In my later teens at school, I pretended more and more to be someone different. I forced myself to go to parties and dance events and made friends with an extroverted dance queen.

Sitting on the bus for an hour to her parents' home on Friday evenings, we dressed up, put on makeup, and went to nightclubs where we danced all night, or, she danced, and I felt supremely awkward in her presence. 

Gosh, I so don’t want to revisit those days.

Embracing My True Self

Only in my early 30s did I come across the label "empath" and read a book about empaths at work. That’s when things started to click. It took four decades to fully embrace who I am and what I need.

Yes, I love talking to people, I have friends, I have a crazy bubbly personality, Love wearing bold colours. I am no wallflower!! But I also love people-watching, sitting on the terrace alone, enjoying coffee and a book, and walking for hours in nature.

In my days as a seafarer and officer on a ship, where I spent months on end, my hiding place was going ashore as much as I could. Just with my bag exploring the new worlds, and countries on my own as much as I was allowed when entering a new port. Whereas the rest of the crew went clubbing, visited pubs, or went to restaurants, I loved walking and exploring independently.

Often, empaths, HSPs, and introverts go hand in hand. Not necessarily, but often they do. I learned that withdrawing from the world was my survival mechanism to cope with the tons of sensory information coming in.

Tips for Finding Balance

If you feel ashamed of being different from the rest, at work or at home, with friends, and you find yourself pretending to be someone you're not, listen up.

I have these 6 top tips for you:

Tips for Finding Balance as an Introvert:

1. Self-Reflection and Growth: Spending time alone lets you think about your goals, values, and experiences. It helps you understand yourself better and make better decisions.

2. Mental Health: Being alone can help reduce stress, improve focus, and boost creativity. Regular alone time can also prevent burnout, helping you recharge and feel more energetic in social situations.

3. Balance: It's important to balance social and alone time. Extroverts need alone time to rest and process, while introverts need it to recharge but also benefit from social interactions.

4. Intentional Solitude: Make your alone time enjoyable and fulfilling. Do activities you love, like reading, meditating, walking, or hobbies. This makes your alone time more rewarding and less lonely.

5. Boundaries: Set boundaries in an extroverted world. It’s okay to say no to social events if you need alone time. Let your friends and family know you need personal space and ask them to respect it.

6. Technology Detox: Being alone isn’t the same as solitude if you’re always on your phone or computer. Take regular breaks from screens and social media to fully enjoy the benefits of alone time.

Conclusion

In conclusion, regardless of where you fall on the introversion-extroversion spectrum, allow yourself to embrace your true self. Don’t feel guilty for being different but embrace your weirdness as your superpower. Also spending sufficient alone time is vital for a balanced and healthy life. It’s about finding what works best for you and making sure to prioritise it amidst the demands of a socially oriented world.