How to make big decisions?

How to make the right decision? It is so hard especially when there is so much at stake.

If you are asking friends, it often only gets worse. They mean well but they tell you what they would do logically and if it was that easy, you would have made that decision already right?

It is not that black and white. If logical would be the best choice for us, why don’t we jump at that chance? Problem solved. No, it doesn’t work like that, and I am living proof of it. The right decision is often far away from logical and sometimes the decision is made for us by unforeseen circumstances.

Should I quit my job and go for the one with fewer hours and less pay, but closer to my heart? Should I move house, so I am closer to the seaside, but further away from my office? Should I tell my boss I think I deserve a pay rise? What would people think? What if it isn’t the right choice and then what? So many decisions to make, some big, some small, but always they will change the path of your life forever. No pressure.

I will share my story.

I never told this story to anyone. But I will share my story here with you and my life lessons on how to make the right decision.

Years ago, I had the biggest decision of my life to make. I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my day job as a Sales Engineer and was contemplating a full 180 degrees career change. I missed my seafaring life badly and since coming to a job ashore 2 years earlier, my career on dry land hadn’t exactly worked out as I hoped. I was bored and unhappy in my career. I had no idea how to change this or what else to do.

So, after months of indecisiveness, I decided to go back to school and study Interior Design instead. Quite a dramatic change but not totally out of nowhere. Studying Interior Design had been a dream and a hobby of mine ever since I was a child.

My boss was wonderfully supportive but couldn’t allow me to go part-time as this was not the type of job for it, so I quit. Just like that. I signed up for the Academy of my choice and spent all my savings to go there. I poured my heart and soul into my new career path and worked hard.

This choice changed the curve of my life dramatically. It was the best decision I have ever made for myself. It opened my horizon and cleared my view of what was possible for me in ways I could never have imagined. But that’s not the end of it. Wait for it.

After two years of very hard work, weekend jobs in a luxury rug shop and department stores, and lots of study in the evenings, I failed to finish the 3 months exam project on time that was required to obtain my diploma. It was a problem as I couldn’t retake the project again as I would have to wait until the following year. It would have taken me another 3 months and would cost money I didn’t have. Besides my now husband had a job offer in Scotland, so we would have to move to another country within weeks. I was stunned at the events that had taken place and wondered why I had failed the exam. This was my dream, my future and what was I going to do now? I had never failed an exam ever before. But there was nothing I could do about it, and it was eventually my choice to walk away from the diploma and move to Scotland with my husband. It was our dream together to start a new life there.

As I was looking for a job in Interior Design in Glasgow, a totally unexpected turn of events took place. I received a job offer from a professor at the university to join their maritime project team to research accidents at sea in relation to human error. The best thing was while working there I could study for a Ph.D. or MPhil for free next to my job. I never thought I would go back to the maritime industry ever again. But I did.

Here I was again, early 30ties and back at university once again. Those years I worked there were one of the best ones of my life and I have made lifelong connections and friends. I absolutely loved working with the research team at the ‘Human Factors, Naval Architecture and Marine Engineering department and learning all about how and why we make certain decisions as humans in extreme circumstances and why this can often lead to accidents. This was the best decision and best job I had ever had in a niche I never could have chosen for myself as I didn’t know it existed.

So how did I get there and how can this help you make a better decision too?

I didn’t make that decision consciously. I didn’t plan it like this. It simply worked out this way when I wasn’t trying to control the outcome manically. All I did was open myself up for new opportunities, to come my way, let go of the outcome to control and I took a first step in the right direction. I didn’t feel like a failure that I didn’t finish my exams in the Interior Design Study. I accepted it eventually as I knew somehow, I was being redirected to take a different path into a career that was meant for me. I believe we all have a life purpose and sometimes when we are supposed to do something else, all doors you open constantly close in your face. If this happens you must ask yourself the question: why is this happening to me? If doors remain closed, you are probably not supposed to take that route. I firmly believe this. Look in the right direction and miracles will start to happen.

This is what I want you to take away from my experiences.

• Don’t be scared to make a decision. You are always making the right decision. By failing my exam, another opportunity opened up. An even bigger and better opportunity, much more suitable for me, was just around the corner. It wasn’t a failure, I was only being redirected.

• If you’re feeling stuck and unhappy in your job right now, I dare you to take a step, any direction, and any step to create change is better than doing nothing. I would never have been here if it wasn’t for me taking that first step toward change in the first place. My MPhil degree in Human Factors planted the seed for me to later pursue a career as a life coach. Although I didn’t know this back then. It is the perfect path for me.

• Don’t be scared to fail. No matter what you do, you are already on the right path. You can’t fail or make the wrong choice. You always learn, dust off, and start again stronger bigger, and better. Like a navigation system in your car, no matter what route you choose, the destination will always be reached no matter what you do. It will redirect you to your path. It’s called Intuition and you need to trust it.

• I believe this is true for all of us. If you don’t know what to do, just do something as everything is better than doing nothing at all. Letting go of the need to control the outcome in detail and be open to new experiences you cannot plan for yourself.

• Nothing happens and nothing will change for you if you don’t take the first step.

If you have a life-changing decision to make right now while reading this, know the universe got your back. You are always on the right path and know that if your plans don’t work out, something bigger and better is in store for you. You just don’t know it yet. Sometimes you must break the eggs first to make that beautiful omelet. Trust and believe this will happen for you.

But nothing changes and nothing can work out for you for the better if you don’t take that first step. There is no right or wrong just do it!!

If you need help, arrange a chat with me and we make a plan together. You are not alone.

X Tineke